Just what I needed

Not long ago, my sis, M, sent me an email about a devotional blog she subscribes to - a devotional email is sent each day from this blog. I signed up, too, just a few days ago. This morning the devotion was on the sovereignty of God and it really spoke to my heart. I have told some of my friends, regarding my decision to disrupt the adoption I had so looked forward to, that I had fought the decision for a long time. We had revival meetings at our church the end of March - that is always a time of soul searching and trying to learn what God wants of us. I developed pneumonia at that time and was only able to attend the first meeting but, thanks to modern technology, I was able to listen to the services by telephone from my bed. As I lay there day after day, I struggled with giving everything to God - in fact, I thought I could give everything to Him except the adoption as I was afraid He would tell me to give it up. Like the example of the child in the devotional, I still cannot understand why it was not to be, but I need to accept that God in His sovereign way does know and has a plan for my life. Perhaps God knew that I would need this reminder today as this is the day I would have been receiving my daughter, had I continued with the adoption.

An update on the big P (pneumonia), I am just now getting strong enough to get some work done around the house and yard. It has been a long haul - I have been on sick leave again for the last 2 weeks - but I believe I am finally getting over it. I realize there are several things that have contributed to my prolonged illness - a major and somewhat rocky move to the community I now live in (finally in my own home the beginning of Dec. 07 after being "homeless" for 6 weeks), an accident with my new-to-me SUV (had it 2 months, did $10,000 damage when I hit a deer), the adoption and decision to disrupt.

Now that I am feeling stronger, I want to reach out to others more than I have in the past - like my nephew and his wife who have a 19 month old daughter and are expecting twins - I know she could use some help around the house. It is an exciting time for them but also physically draining on the mom. She told me yesterday that she had to realize that while her husband, a carpenter, could rest during the night and his body was not still building, hers was "building babies" 24 hours a day. There is a poem "Be the Best of Whatever You Are" - if you can't be the sun be a star, etc. If I can't be a mommy, I guess I will just have to be the best auntie that I can be - but I will still miss being a mommy.