My friends who followed my previous blog (which is no longer available to the public) will know where the title of this blog comes from and will probably even understand why today - Mother's Day - is a difficult day for me. It is 24 days since I phoned my adoption agency and told them that I would not be able to continue the adoption that I had been working on for over a year and a half. That was a very difficult phone call to make and an even more painful decision. There are times when I don't cry everytime I think about it but in church this morning, when people starting talking about their mothers, I couldn't help but weep. I mean cry buckets. To me, Mother's Day would have been a day to celebrate that "I am a mother!" Now it is a very sad day as I don't expect I ever will be a mother. My mother is still living and I spent part of the day with her today. I am very thankful that she understands how difficult this decision was and that today is particularly hard. I also have friends, including my sisters, who are understanding and it makes a world of a difference.
2 weeks ago, I spent a few days with all 4 of my sisters. We were helping my parents get ready to move but for me it was a therapeutic weekend. I really needed their support and they gave it freely. Thank you so much, R, DJ, DR and M. You are the best sisters in the world! They even bought me flowers and each wrote an encouraging note in a card - it started the tears again but in a good way this time.
1 year ago
7 thoughts from friends:
Thanks for the reminder of the verse. In fact, I even saw it on a plaque today at a Greenhouse and also thought of my current situation. With long waits my husband and I are thinking of pulling out of the China program and are seriously wondering if it's possible we're not meant to have children. Last Mothers Day I was so optomistic and excited about future possibilities of being a Mom, but this year has been a tough one. I feel like I have a double "wammy" in that I'm not a Mom and my Mom passed away from cancer only a few years ago. I tried to even get away from the hoopla (the church hoopla especially) by going away for the weekend, but there was no getting away from it. I could run but I could not hide! :) As I was reflecting on that today I started thinking about a family I know distantly where the Mother died last year. They had younger children and I just thought what a horrible day it must be for those children and for her husband. That is why I'm not a fan - both Mother and Father's DAY seem absurd to me. We should always honour our Mothers and Fathers! Anyway, I digress :)! Your circumstance must make this day particularily hard this year and I just wanted to pass along an encouragement. As the verse says there is also a time to laugh and I hope that you're able to do that in abundance this coming year. Another personal favourite of mine is Romans 5.
Susan M.
Beautiful blog, Norma! I know today is rough for a lot of people & I pray you'll feel the nearness of God and those who support you today... I also wanted to thank you for the little things you find to do for our kids - at Mom's especially - they love you for it! B couldn't get enough of those scratch-off pictures! Many thanks - you do have a place in God's plan and maybe it will include loving children in other ways... Much love from your little sis
((hugs))
Regardless of the fact that I can finally, after over 10 years of anticipation, feel a part of Mother's Day, the pain of that will NEVER leave me! I DO know how difficult that day is for many, on so many varying levels ... I remember that and cherish this day quietly to respect those, who, like yourself have a heavy heart!
*** HUGS***** I'm glad you started a new blog!!!
Do you care to share why you decided not to proceed with the adoption? I know it may be personal but am very curious as to why...
Sending hugs. Our hearts will always ache for those children who have not come into our lives.
Alyson
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